Tag Archives: Real Marriage

{Forgive}

21 May

This weekend was spent relaxing in my favorite summer spot:: our back deck.  I can’t tell you how much I enjoy sitting out on the deck; chatting with my roommates, some country music in the background, enjoying the evening air.

This weekend I spent most of my time on the deck in the sun, reading “Real Marriage” by Mark Driscoll. I came across the chapter where Pastor Mark explains what true  forgiveness, like Christ forgives, looks like.  He also explains what forgiveness is NOT.  I was so challenged by what true forgiveness really looks like, I want to share the points he makes about it.

Forgiveness::  Loving despite sin or wrong doings.  Just as God forgives not just undeserving but ill-deserving sinners, we must too.  “Forgive us our sins,  for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.  And lead us not into temptation.”  Luke 11:4  We cannot simply ask God to forgive us of our sins; we must also extend the same forgiveness to others.

1. Forgiveness is NOT denying, approving or diminishing sin that is committed against us::

We cannot say we are find, that it was no big deal, or that since it was in the past, we’ve just moved on.  We must be honest about the reality of the sin if we want the forgiveness to be equally earnest.

2. Forgiveness is NOT naivety::

Naive people are prone to live as if the world were not filled with depraved sinners capable of evil; they often become naive by not really looking at the sinfulness of sin, including their own.  Such people are not forgiving sin as must as they are ignoring it.

3. Forgiveness is NOT enabling sin::

To forgive people is not to remain stuck in their cycle of sin, thus being complicit and enabling their continued transgressions.

4. Forgiveness is NOT waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent::

The sad truth is that some people will never fully repent, and other never at all. Others we will never see again, or they will die before we hear an apology.  We forgive because it is what God requires and what we need, not because out offenders have apologize.

**I was very convicted with this point.  This is such a challenge not only in a husband-wife relationship, but with family or friends in general!  We are called to forgive, even if we never here a “sorry”…this can be a tough one for some!  If we don’t ever forgive & just harbor the feelings, we build up bitterness & hold a grudge, which in turn- is wrong.  Something to think about… 

5. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting about sin committed against us::

It is actually impossible to completely forget such things.  This is why when God says, “Their sin I will remember no more,” it does not mean that He has no memory, but rather that He continually chooses not to bring it up or keep it in the forefront of His thinking.

6. Forgiveness is NOT dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of the transgressions::

Rather, forgiveness allows us to feel the appropriate depth of grievous pain but choose by grace not to be continually paralyzed or defined by it.

7. Forgiveness is NOT a one-time event::

Those who have been sinned against commonly have seasons when they feel afresh the pain of past hurts and have to forgive their transgressors yet again.

8. Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation::

It takes one sinner to repent, and one victim to forgive, but it takes both to reconcile.  Therefore, unless there is both repentance by the sinner and forgiveness by the victim, reconciliation cannot occur, which means the relationship remains continually broken until reconciliation does occur.  Forgiveness is the beginning of potential reconciliation but is not in and of itself reconciliation.  Forgiveness takes a moment.  The trust that reconciliation requires is gained slowly and lost quickly.

 9. Forgiveness is NOT neglecting justice::

God will deal with every sin of every human being justly.

**refer to chapter 5 in Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll for more about forgiveness, repentance & bitterness.

{my ferocious watch dog}

{my sweet Bella girl}

{True Friends}

27 Apr

Last weekend I got to enjoy pastor Mark Driscoll & his wife Grace on their “Real Marriage” book tour.  Their conference has sold out all over the nation & here they were right in my neighborhood!  I honestly had never heard of this couple before, but when I started getting facebook messages & emails from friends around the country saying, “you better be going to this?!”, I decided I should look into it!  lol I’m SO glad I did!

Obviously, I wished I could have been there with Pat, but circumstances don’t allow for that.  My amazing, very single sister, braved the MARRIAGE conference with me. I think we can both say, we left changed.  Mark & his wife have been through so much & are very open about their failures in one another, but in their honesty, they reveal hope & grace from the Lord…the same grace that got them to where they are today, best friends!

I wish I could share everything I learned, but that would take one very lOng post.  You can refer to Mars Hill Church for his podcast on his book, Real Marriage.

I will share with one of my favorite lessons from their book, FRIENDSHIP.  The biggest lesson they’ve learned over many years has been, you must be true FRIENDS with your spouse in order to have a deep intimate relationship.  Most would say, well DUH!  There’s a lot involved in the kind of friendship he’s defining:

Fruitful, Reciprocal, Intimate, Enjoyable, Needed, Devoted, Sanctifying

*check out part 2 of his podcast to hear an explanation of each parts.

This seems so easy to me, obviously Patrick & I are friends, but their honesty about what a marriage friendship should look like was so enlightening.  Men & women are different & that’s just the bottom line, but that’s not an excuse.  We both have to be selfless & thinking of the other.  Since we’re human, this is a commitment everyday to serving, not just serving your spouse, but serving the Lord in how He calls us to love.  He tells us to love our enemies?!  That’s powerful.  I don’t know if I do that all the time…

We must see our spouse as the Lord sees him/her.  When we can do that, we can love no matter what the circumstances.

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

{Jcrew blouse, Victoria Secret pants, LV Speedy, H&M ring, Forever21 necklace, Thrifted earrings}

I hope you all have an amazing weekend!

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